Friends I’m turning forty in a couple months and I think I’ve finally come to a place in my life where I feel things are going to be a lot better if I share something.
1Here comes the “you’re not crazy” train of friends insisting that it can’t possibly be true. Crazy people don’t develop careers, write white papers, pack super-cute bento lunches for their kids, put up Little Libraries, blog.2
2 Okay, lots of crazy people blog.
But here’s the thing. When I finished the draft of my book.3
3 Yes, still talking about this mythical book – what does this tell us? Put a check mark in the "crazy" column.
Anyway, when I finished my draft my editor was excited, she was confident it was going to get picked up by a publisher. And it did generate a lot of interest.4
4 I know I’ve said that before but let’s just pretend I’m like a former high school football player who can’t let go of what could have been.
It’s taken a while to work through the book stuff but last week my BFF made a startling revelation.
“The problem is the reader doesn’t know.”
“Doesn’t know what?”
“That you’re not normal. They don’t know you have all these issues.”
"They don’t know I’m crazy?"
“Exactly. They start reading thinking you are normal. You need to find a way to help the reader understand your issues.”
Perhaps "issues" is the best word.
My BFF has spent years helping me with my issues. In fact, anyone in my inner life circle has probably helped me out with an issue.5
5 They are perhaps the donor figures in the hero’s crazy's journey.
Out of all my issues driving is perhaps the biggest one. Driving disagrees with me.6
6 I know a lot of people don't like to drive. But I didn't say that. I said, it disagrees with me. As in, it causes within me an allergic reaction. It disrupts my nervous system. On almost any occasion I would rather not be driving.7
7Except when it's to take myself to the Dairy Queen drive-thru.
Allow me to share a recent issue I had related to driving. Typically I manage my driving concerns by following the same route and using the same parking spaces to provide myself a sense of calm predictability.8
8I understand that many animals use this same "trail" system to go to and from their burrows.
The other day I arrived at my kids' school and found that the parking lot was full.9
9It was not actually full, it was full according to my standards. My ideal parking lot looks like this.
I circled around looking for a spot that would suit my needs for turning radius and proximity to other vehicles. By my third lap my seven year old was getting restless. "Just park Mom!" she moaned from the back.10
10 I've done my best to try to hide as many of my issues from my kids as possible but my daugther is on to my driving. I know that if she could reach the gas, she would gladly hop in the driver's seat.
I reluctantly pulled into a spot and got them into school. When I returned a new vehicle had parked beside me and totally blocked me in.11
11 This is not the photo of the actual incident but this is what it looked like to me.
I squeezed my fat butt into my car, got my phone and called my husband.12
12 This is not the first time I've had to call him regarding a parking issue.
My husband was in a meeting and couldn't come assist. He told me to find the maintenance man for the school.
You see, part of being crazy is that sometimes you have to speak on behalf of your crazy. You have to advocate for your crazy and get it the help that it needs so you can carry on with your day.14
14 Getting help from men is generally a good thing as most are already operating under the assumption that women are crazy.
The secretary told me the maintenance man wasn't in yet.
I was about to full on panic when I turned and saw a delightful surprise. My daughter's friend's father, who, for bonus points, is also a commercial airline pilot.
I shared my crazy with him and he laughed and walked with me the half mile journey to my blocked car.
I'm assuming that to a person who flies 747's full of passengers, the situation probably looked like this.
In seconds he backed my car out.
After a thousand thank-you's I was on my way.
I'm not entirely sure how to get these issues across when it comes to my writing but perhaps part of the problem is that I try to hide them like I do my parking.
I guess I'm going to have to learn how to parallel park them up front.