I Hired The Hot Babysitter, But Maybe You Shouldn't

 
In my heroic retelling of my heart wrenching ordeal with "moth babies" in my daughter’s  bed, I mentioned that I had recently hired a rather attractive babysitter. This raised some eyebrows and concerns as to whether this was a good decision. Am I remarkably attractive? Am I unaware of the tendency of men of a certain age, worn down by diaper duty and mid-life muffin-top to take their testosterone for a test drive?  Yes, I am fully aware of all these tendencies and unfortunately, I am no beauty queen.  So why would I take such a gamble? Well, a few reasons which I will outline here so you too can decide if you want to hire the hot babysitter.

Let me start with my own rationale. My husband is from a tiny island in the Caribbean. What it lacks in geographical size, it more than makes up for in spirit and beauty, including a Miss Universe title. So culturally, my husband has grown up around beautiful women in bikinis.  My own mother-in-law puts me to shame in a bikini and not because she is a plastic surgery addict, it is because she was genetically predisposed to beauty.  My new sitter simply could not help her beauty; she was culturally predisposed to it. Ladies, it's a tough pill to swallow, but it's true. Some cultures have the beauty gene. American women are beautiful, but are more widely known for their predisposition to seasonal cupcake creations than say, topless sunbathing. I was born and raised in Canada, making me predisposed to diversity and politeness, so basically she was hired as soon as she walked in the door and thanked me for taking the time to interview her.

Hotness is nothing new to my husband. Now, why he chose to marry someone who is so unsexy it is at times - awkward (who knew there was a wrong way to wear a thong? ) is something we can continue to explore in future posts. For now, let's talk about my new hot-sitter and more importantly, whether it is something you should consider. Here are what I think should be your three main deciding factors.

1. Is She Trying To Be Hot? If there is a distracting amount of cleavage at the interview or she laughs at your husband's golf jokes, take a pass. (There is no such thing as a funny golf joke) No mom needs the stress of someone trying to be hot or the awkward stare when the above-arse tattoo rears its ugly head as she bends over in the low-rise jeans to pick up little Johnny. So "No" on the trying to be hot baby sitter. Next.

2. Are You Hot? This is an important question. You can't have two hotties in the same household or things are going to get crazy. You will spend each day trying to one-up the hot-sitter until one day you find yourself leaving for work wearing a tube top and 4" heels. So just, let it go. Your reign of hotness can continue uncontested, at least in your own household (but if you find yourself staring into the bathroom vanity saying "mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest mom of all..." I suggest you get therapy.) And most importantly...

3. Are You Secure? Okay, she is not trying to be hot and you are not particularly hot, fine. But, are you truly secure about yourself? Do you scour Oprah magazine for the latest "True Self” quiz? Then maybe take a pass on the hot-sitter. Trust me, it's not easy to handle great beauty at close range, it gives off a glow that can bring on a depression that you weren't aware lay just below the surface. You may spontaneously  burst into tears when she shows up wearing a white dress and tells you how much fun they are going to have finger painting. You may go fetal with her ability to carelessly sweep her tresses up into a sexy tussle using only a crayon to keep it in place. So be sure. Be sure of yourself and ability to handle hotness, because well, it's hot to handle...

So take my advice for what's it is worth.  Hot is not for everybody. But if it’s unaffected and if she is sweet and lovely and  laughs when you tell her that her buns should be bronzed for the world to see, then I think you found a keeper.

Comments

[Pseudo]

You are fun and funny. I am guessing you are also very humble.

[Alexandra/The Empress]

Anyone who can say they're not hot, and can hire the hot baby sitter, is probably humbly hot.

I'm with Pseudo.

[Jill]

I like it! Nice job. Words to live by, really.

[raquel]

Umm no, I still couldn't do it. I would not describe myself as hot rather pretty warm but I don't want any other woman rolling around my house unless she is tore up. I would go with a grandmotherly type. But that's just me..kudos to you for being so trustworthy.

[SJ]

I like it, good post.

Personally as long as the babysitter can do her job competently and can bond with the child it really doesn't matter whether she's hot or not.

[Jen]

I try to hire hot babysitters. Gives me something fun to look at. ;)

[DK]

I personally think you are beautiful naturally. You have hair to die for, flawless skin and smiling eyes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you are smart and witty and warm and caring. Take one look at your kids. I think you are absolutely amazing and no doubt the hubby sees all this and more. Have not seen the sitter but I know you would only have the best care for your precious kiddo's.
>>>DK, you are the *best* neighbor in the world. I can't imagine how you see my hair through the permanent scrunchie or my skin throw the blaze of me running to and from the house. But I thank you. Also, I have been hiding wine bottles in your recycling bin. Cheers. ;)

[ShandyGirl]

My daughter-in-law is very hot (& yes, humble and does not realize her own beauty)!! Speak to her hubby, he will surely confirm. I am saying this from first hand knowledge also and not because according to her 'I am predisposed to beauty' (thanks though Tina for this lovely comment).

>>>>>Mum, you are too kind. For the record, not many grandma's get mistaken for the mother. I tried to ask hubby about my hotness but he was giving the sitter private Soca lessons, hmmmm ;)

[Crazy Lady]

But my dear you ARE hot!!! Being Hot is a state of mind, and dear YOU HAVE IT!

[Susan]

I will always remember every detail of the moment I first found your blog.

[Kirsten (Results Not Typical Girl)]

i wandered over here from RedNeckMommy's heap of dysfunction and joy. Snark level is equally high over here so I think I'll grab a bag of Cheetos and hang for a bit. If you see my Weight Watcher leader, give me a heads up. Thanks.

[Kristy]

Love it! But I have a question...does the hot babysitter read your blog?

[The Flying Chalupa]

diversity and politeness - CLASSIC! Lord, woman, you are funny and I love this post. Bless you for basking in the glow of youth and hotness. I'm sure your kids and your husband (immune as he is) thank you.

ps - can you add an email subscription button? It would be like xmas come early for me! Cause I can't do RSS. I just can't.

[TheNextMartha]

If by hiring a hot sitter gets me away without sweeping the floor everyday? Done. I think this can only do good. Distracted by hot so I can take a nap? Perfect. He all of a sudden starts to do lawn work as a way to impress the hot. Bonus. See? All good.

[Flawless Mom]

I would hire an attractive babysitter, but I'd stop short of hot. I mean, hot? Really? With all the catalogs lying around my house, I see enough hot, young women. I don't need a real model walking around when I'm in my sweats... If you're lucky!

[Chickens Consigliere]

Hi Tina aka Three in the Bed. I'm a space cadet or I would have been over much earlier, like when you first commented on my blog. Thank you for visiting-I'm so glad you did because now that I found you, I won't let you go. You should have your blog bronzed is what I think. I'm not hiring your mother-in-law for a baby-sitter. I know that for sure. I don't need competition from a non-aging hot sitter. The young beautiful sitter is okay, I guess. The dewey complexions get on my nerves sometimes. It's like, Jeez, do you have to "flush" like that? Can't you just have rivulets of sweat running down your face like the rest of us. Damn flushers.

[tulpen]

I would totally go for the hot sitter. I like eye candy, of any nationality or gender. Beauty is beauty and I love it.

A hot sitter would give me lots of material for inappropriate jokes with the husband involving said hot sitter in a variety of lewd situations.

Hot sitter for the win!

[Sandra]

Very well written! I read every word!...(also because I wanted to see if there would be any hotness tips in the post..you know: how to become hotter...I'm vain that way.)
And PS: I have seen your pic through Bloggy Moms and you are very pretty so enough with the "I'm not attractive!" You so are AND you are politically correct. So take that beautiful people everywhere else in the world!

[BuenoBaby]

A hot woman changing a diaper full of corn is still a woman changing a diaper full of corn. I think the hot novelty will go down the drain along with the food on the dirty dishes after a day or two. You're good.

[mommetime]

following you from follow funny...love your writing style and humor. The other day I lost my spot in the bed to 7 littlest pet shops, 1 kitten, 1 husband, 2 kids and 2 stuffed animals...oh, and 3 large pillows! I understand.

[Tammy]

"There is no such thing as a funny golf joke" < my favorite line from this post.

Hilarious.

[CitySitter]

it is pretty heroic that you hired an attractive baby sitter. I would think it's more likely for the father to do such a thing, but I guess confident mothers have no reason not to. What's important is her ability to relate to the child and have similar values to your own.