Dear Mom Bloggers,
I hope this letter finds you well and that your family leaves you alone long enough to read this - so go ahead and lock yourself in the bathroom now.
It was a little over a month ago that I set foot in the world of Mom Blogging. I came with no prior knowledge except that it was better than banging out my thoughts on a typewriter and locking them in the attic for the kids to find years after my death. I can imagine them finding the hidden posts and then sobbing when confronted by the awe-inspiring poetic talent that lived in their midst. They would then languish in the guilt that perhaps if they hadn't been so selfish (feed me) and demanding (clothe me) they may have gotten to know their mother better. Grief stricken, they would turn to their father (who is still living because that's his punishment) and insist that a large shrine be built in my honor where all will come to hear my inspiring essays. My husband is then forced to take all the life insurance money (suck it, new wife) and build said shrine, where he too will weep (no one wants an old broke widower) and wish he had been more supportive so I could have published my thoughts while still living (instead of leaving me with the kids three nights a week to go to soccer).
Oh I am so sorry, this isn't about me, this letter is all about YOU. I have been reading your posts, following your Tweets and I have so many thoughts they couldn't possibly all fit in your little comment box, so I have written you this letter and I hope you enjoy it. Fair warning, it's a bit cheeky - but also fun, like getting a Brazilian wax from Betty White.
First of all, your blog site looks amazing. You clearly spend a lot of time and energy on it and it shows. You also make me wonder if we couldn't help unemployment simply by having Microsoft use Mom Bloggers for its help lines. Of course you already know you are a Word Press wizard and your site looks great, which leads me to my next point.
You push people to your site like a drunken carnie at the ball toss. Now come on - let's be honest. I haven't seen this much fighting for a pole position since open auditions for Dancing With The Strippers. (Snookie is voted off first episode) It's understandable, if my site looked like yours I would want it featured in the next issue of Cookie magazine. Of course it's not just how great your site looks it's your posts that keep moms coming back.
You really like to test products. I am starting to think we could do away with animal testing labs given your willingness to try the range of products the marketing gurus send your way. I'll admit that I am a tad jealous. I would be a product whore too if someone would send something to my house other than coupons for duct cleaning.
You also love give aways. It brings out your inner Oprah. “I am giving away VVVIIIBRRAATORS LAAADIES” **Wild Cheering Applause** Don't take offense, I am just jealous because I am too disorganized to hand out prizes. You would have to come to my house to pick up your prize where it would be waiting out front in a plastic bag. (Unless my husband threw the bag away and then you would stand on my porch feeling awkward while I scream profanities at him).
But this is all an oversimplification of what you do and it is a lot more than test vibrators and give away skin cream.
You are brave. You share your life stories to help moms through everything from colic to special needs to autism. That is amazing. You are an unsung hero and I am sure there are no shortage of mothers, marriages and ultimately children who have benefited from your candid testimonials. You exemplify the power of the personal.
You are funny. Oh My God, you are funny! I don't know the acronym for "Off My Zoloft Thanks to You" but that sums it up. I want us to hang out and play drinking games.
Which reminds me - you are a lush. Honestly, why your blog isn’t sponsored by Grey Goose or Jackson Triggs is beyond me.
By now there is probably banging on your bathroom door, so I will wrap up.
You are genuinely interesting and creative and have set the bar high. I hope I can keep up.
Tina aka Three In The Bed