We all have seen them, most of us know some; they live in our neighborhood, come to the playgroups and of course can always be found at the gym - skinny moms.
They nearly run you over with their three across jogging strollers, whizzing by on Saturday mornings, two days home from the hospital with the latest bundle of joy, training for a marathon next month... They come to the playgroups eating dried kale chips and guzzling green tea. They strut around the gym locker rooms in their thongs blowing out their hair in a hurry to get home and what? Make dinner? Do they eat? I just have so many questions for these moms, I finally wanted to get them out there.. .
Are you hungry? Seriously, are you just hungry all the time? You have to be because I have eaten the entire tray of brownies that overly nice mom brought to the play group and you have hardly touched a cruditie...
Does your husband appreciate your thinness? When you wear a string bikini on spring break and go splash about with the kids, does your husband slap your butt and say that's my fine lookin' wife? Or does he just whine about the lack of cell phone service like mine does while I splash about with my cover-up on and stare at you from across the beach.
What is everyone else in the family eating? Do you cook for the kids and then just go in the other room and do push ups until they finish?
Is it the Special K diet? Because if it is, I am buying a box of that shit on the way home...
Do you appreciate your MILF-ness? I wonder, I mean, does it all stem from self loathing or are you looking at me thinking, "your husband would do me in the cubby closet"?
What exactly are pilates? I am assuming you do them, because it's always you skinny moms in the class when it's going on and I have just always wondered what the heck it is.
If it's not the special K Diet, is it Meth? I read this thing in Oprah about moms and meth...although you appear to have all your teeth.
Is it nice to be in the family photos? I see your Facebook page and holiday cards all clearly feature you smiling brightly with your family. My kids will have to search the national archives for photos that include me and I figure, you must get some small satisfaction from being in the family photos.
Do you own any clothing that isn't Lululemon? Or is it just standard issue once you hit a certain weight class?
Are you going to eat that? Oh sorry, I was just wondering, did you want that last piece of brownie, because if not, I am going to... Okay, thanks...
