My BFF, who is expecting her third bundle of joy any day now (technically not for three more weeks, but my physic vibe says otherwise) anyway my girlie and I were lamenting the lack of time for personal upkeep and hygiene once you become a mom and it's sad but true that (most) moms really don't get a fair shake at shower time. There are those iconic Calgone ads of the mom laying in the bathtub having her own personal "take me away" moment and I think of that and sigh because I would love to be in that bath (with Viggo Mortensen under the bubbles). But of course it's a complete fantasy as any mom will tell you that a) unless your bathroom door requires a key card for entry the kids are finding a way in and if it is then b) be prepared to listen to incessant whining at the door. The reality is there is no way any mom is scoring a bubble bath sans kids. So you acquiesce, the kids come piling in and then of course, you get out - and get towels and tub toys and then of course showers because their hair is full of bubbles. So Calgone if you are going to take me away, you need to do just that, come over and take me away to your secret bath in the underground bunkers where they will bring Nancy Pelosi and the twelve remaining seeds on the planet. This is where I need you to take me Mr. Calgone so I can have my bath.
In fact, it's so bad for moms a very popular mom blog just did a product review on dry shampoo. Now that's just sad. Poor mom has to shake scented powder in her hair in an effort to keep dreadlocks from forming while the rest of the family - especially dads - get their daily cleanse. The other day my husband was flossing his teeth while I frantically rummaged around for some deoderant in the hopes of masking the growing aroma of stale peas and sweat that had been cultivating for a few days. Flossing! That is a luxury I rank up there with time to shave above the knee. Virginia Woolf famously wrote "A Room Of One's Own" but I think if she had been a mom, it would have been more aptly written "A Bathroom of One's Own."
Of course some moms are much better at masking the lack of suds time. A consummate observer of other mothers (I am terribly insecure) I have noted the following methods for dealing with scant shower time.
The Double Dip - while baby is in the tub you grab their washcloth and give yourself the once over.
The B&B - short for Bath and Bodyworks, a generous dosing of seasonal body spray aids in the illusion of cleanliness.
Sporty Slick - the sporty mom look of pony tail, ball cap, yoga pants - a cover for unshaved legs and unwashed hair.
Done on the Run - a working mom's ability to shower, hair, make-up, dress and get in the car in seven minutes or less.
Of course sooner or later moms manage to squeeze in a little personal hygiene prompted by either an annual psychical or some cuddle time with the hubby, of course depending on circumstances, it too may be an annual event. But sooner or later mom gets a shower and a shampoo and possibly even to pop open that conditioner sample from Ulta and then to blow out her hair, put on a little mascara and oh my god, she is indeed - a woman, a lovely woman. Okay, where are we going honey? Where? A hunting/mountain bike/scuba diving expo? Are you serious? Okay, well I definitely want to go out to eat. Where? That new barbecue place where they roast the pig in the ground for twelve hours? Exhausted Sigh. A double dip and a dry shampoo would have sufficed for this night of romance.
