Most (honest) moms will admit that there are times in the day when a mom just hits the wall. Serene super nanny mom evaporates and it's mommy's turn for a melt-down. Mom suddenly hits her maximum capacity for whining, bickering, rolled eyes, shrugged shoulders and general resistance that is suffered through the course of a normal day.You should note that these experiences are heightened when exposed to the following variables: pregnancy, air-travel, prolonged husband exposure or when trying to clean up an exploded poopie diaper that the dog is getting curious about while your preschooler is moving dangerously close to a pot of spaghetti that is boiling over while the phone is ringing...or something like that. Mommy melt downs are different for every mom depending on the age and quantity of children involved, whether it occurs in public or private and that mother's preferred method of inducing shock and awe onto an unsuspecting, but most oft deserving family. Here are a few mommy melt down styles I have observed.
Screaming Mimi: the most vocal of the mommy melt downs, a Screaming Mimi is also the most common. This is because it works on such a wide range of ages, usually results in an immediate cease and desist of the offending activity and provides mom with a good release without much prolonged guilt. A Screaming Mimi melt down may go something like this "Boys, I am not going to ask you again, stop arguing, share your toys." No response. The marble shifts. Screaming Mimi is activated, "THAT IS IT! TO YOUR ROOM NOWWWWW!!! I AM SICK OF ALL THIS FIGHTING." Shock and awe. Boys in room. Mom feels marginally better. Screaming Mimis are usually fairly reactive, so common phrases include "BECAUSE I SAID SO", "DO NOT ASK ME AGAIN", "DID YOU HEAR ME?" and "CUT IT OUT, NOWWW"and perhaps the phrase most credited to the Screaming Mimis "DO NOT MAKE ME PULL THIS CAR OVER!" The Screaming Mimi can be done in public though it is usually subdued, relying on clenched teeth and vexed brow than heightened voice. Examples include "Get in the car, now!" Or, "Do not hit your sister in church!" This is simply the Modified Mimi.
Screaming Mimis are very different from Sobby Sues.
Sobby Sue: The Sobby Sues are very emotional, tend to get more frustrated than angry and channel that frustration into a big ol mess of tears and sobs. Sobby Sues tend to come on a lot during post partum not only induced by hormones but also because it is generally frowned upon to bust out a Screaming Mimi on a newborn. Sobby Sues are usually looking for an audience and tend to migrate their melt down to the bathroom in the hopes that someone will care enough to come collect them and give them a nice cup of tea or bourbon depending on the offense. A Sobby Sue melt down may be brought on by a derailed dinner. "Ew, mom what is this?" "Mine smells funny" "Honey, you know, I am not much of a lamb eater myself" Sobby Sue pushes herself back from the table, tears begin flowing, lip quivering "You know, I try so hard for this family, to have a nice dinner, to try something new and you are just all so, so, (really sobbing now) un, un, ungrateful...." Then a dash to the nearest bathroom for continued sobbing. A Sobby Sue is best suited to a mature family as preschoolers lack both the empathy and bladder control necessary to work with a Sobby Sue.
Bordeaux Betty: Bordeaux Betties are moms who do not believe in keeping things bottled up (no pun intended) (well okay a little pun) Bordeaux Betties manage to hold it together long enough to get the kids to bed and break out the mommy juice. You may ask how this qualifies as a melt down, but it does. Bordeaux Betties are very cunning and swift in their operation. Bedtimes are rolled back two hours as unruly kids are lured to bed with hand held game devices and snacks. The children lay in bed thinking that lights out seemed really close to supper, wait a minute, did we even eat supper? Mom? Moooomm? But Bordeaux Betty is not answering tonight, she is half way into an Australian Cab that tastes like butter and is giving serious thought to boycotting bakesales and sending the principal a manifesto on magazine sales. Bordeaux Betties can actually be credited with the creation of "girls night out" as well as "spa retreats" and some have rumored "mother's day".
Every mom needs at least one Bordeaux Betty in her circle, but be warned these moms are practiced in the art of mommy time, a new mom in her zeal may get over indulgent when out with a Bordeaux Betty resulting in an unprovoked Screaming Mimi on her husband who has come to collect her followed by a Sobby Sue episode in a public bathroom...
