In my heroic retelling of my heart wrenching ordeal with "moth babies" in my daughter’s bed, I mentioned that I had recently hired a rather attractive babysitter. This raised some eyebrows and concerns as to whether this was a good decision. Am I remarkably attractive? Am I unaware of the tendency of men of a certain age, worn down by diaper duty and mid-life muffin-top to take their testosterone for a test drive? Yes, I am fully aware of all these tendencies and unfortunately, I am no beauty queen. So why would I take such a gamble? Well, a few reasons which I will outline here so you too can decide if you want to hire the hot babysitter.
Let me start with my own rationale. My husband is from a tiny island in the Caribbean. What it lacks in geographical size, it more than makes up for in spirit and beauty, including a Miss Universe title. So culturally, my husband has grown up around beautiful women in bikinis. My own mother-in-law puts me to shame in a bikini and not because she is a plastic surgery addict, it is because she was genetically predisposed to beauty. My new sitter simply could not help her beauty; she was culturally predisposed to it. Ladies, it's a tough pill to swallow, but it's true. Some cultures have the beauty gene. American women are beautiful, but are more widely known for their predisposition to seasonal cupcake creations than say, topless sunbathing. I was born and raised in Canada, making me predisposed to diversity and politeness, so basically she was hired as soon as she walked in the door and thanked me for taking the time to interview her.
Hotness is nothing new to my husband. Now, why he chose to marry someone who is so unsexy it is at times - awkward (who knew there was a wrong way to wear a thong? ) is something we can continue to explore in future posts. For now, let's talk about my new hot-sitter and more importantly, whether it is something you should consider. Here are what I think should be your three main deciding factors.
1. Is She Trying To Be Hot? If there is a distracting amount of cleavage at the interview or she laughs at your husband's golf jokes, take a pass. (There is no such thing as a funny golf joke) No mom needs the stress of someone trying to be hot or the awkward stare when the above-arse tattoo rears its ugly head as she bends over in the low-rise jeans to pick up little Johnny. So "No" on the trying to be hot baby sitter. Next.
2. Are You Hot? This is an important question. You can't have two hotties in the same household or things are going to get crazy. You will spend each day trying to one-up the hot-sitter until one day you find yourself leaving for work wearing a tube top and 4" heels. So just, let it go. Your reign of hotness can continue uncontested, at least in your own household (but if you find yourself staring into the bathroom vanity saying "mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest mom of all..." I suggest you get therapy.) And most importantly...
3. Are You Secure? Okay, she is not trying to be hot and you are not particularly hot, fine. But, are you truly secure about yourself? Do you scour Oprah magazine for the latest "True Self” quiz? Then maybe take a pass on the hot-sitter. Trust me, it's not easy to handle great beauty at close range, it gives off a glow that can bring on a depression that you weren't aware lay just below the surface. You may spontaneously burst into tears when she shows up wearing a white dress and tells you how much fun they are going to have finger painting. You may go fetal with her ability to carelessly sweep her tresses up into a sexy tussle using only a crayon to keep it in place. So be sure. Be sure of yourself and ability to handle hotness, because well, it's hot to handle...
So take my advice for what's it is worth. Hot is not for everybody. But if it’s unaffected and if she is sweet and lovely and laughs when you tell her that her buns should be bronzed for the world to see, then I think you found a keeper.
