I’m not big on resolutions, they tend to consist of something grand and vague and I honestly don’t know how people succeed with them. I’m pretty sure they don’t because if they did I feel like Facebook would be filled with “look at how many resolutions I achieved" posts rather than a fresh set of new ones which are really just the same dang ones year after year. I mean, if you are going to do them, why not make them really interesting? For example, “I’m going to explore post modern art in Germany” or “I’m not going to the grocery store this year, we are only going to eat what I can grow or scavenge or get at the drive thru.” I really wish someone was bold enough to say, “I’m not shaving any part of my body this year.”
Either way, I’m not getting involved with resolutions. I will however, make some statements about what I will not be doing this year.
I will not be a human napkin this year. I simply can no longer go out in public with something crusty, sticky, gooey or chewy on clothing or in my hair. I am open to hugs, kisses, and snuggles but not to mysterious boogie deposits or ketchup stains on my jacket.
I will not subscribe to any eating program. I will not be eating Paleo, Organic Vegan or using a new supplement because Dr. Oz promises it’s great for pooping.
I will not be the household GPS. This year I will turn off the detection device provided to moms which allows us to know the exact location of every item in the home. Shoes, jackets, lunch bags, soccer jerseys, the remote, your most-favorite-doll-ever, can all be conveniently located wherever you left them.
I will not obsess over turning 40. It was hard for me to write that. It was hard to type the number four and a zero and then assign that number as belonging to me in a few months. The truth of it is, I’m not really the sort of person to fixate on age. Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a great piece about how your fear is the most boring thing about you. I’m going to turn that around and say, your age is the most boring thing about you. Well, unless you are 12 and an astronaut. But otherwise, who cares what age you are, what’s interesting is what you are doing.
I will not be afraid to channel my inner bitch. That sounds harsh doesn’t it? But here’s the thing and really Tina Fey and Amy Poehler said it best, “bitches get stuff done.” My dearest friend whom I’ve worked with for over a decade prefers to say, “bitches get shit done.” Because they do. It doesn’t mean being awful or rude, it just means sometimes you really have to draw the line and stick to it regardless of the fact it may put a few people off. It may literally mean putting people off if you are trying to get something done. Being a bitch can absolve you from feeling the need to offer a long dissertation on why you need an hour to yourself at yoga or to chat with a friend on the phone or to go for a walk or rescue a dog. It means that for some things you are only accountable to yourself because if you are waiting for someone to hand it to you – to hand you the gift of time or health or your sanity – spoiler alert – it isn’t coming. You are going to have to take it and guess what? Some folks aren’t going to like it. Maybe your spouse isn’t keen on fixing themselves dinner or your kids find it unfathomable that you are going out for a few hours without them and you are going to have to channel your inner bitch to firmly say that this is what you need to do, I love you, see you soon. I for one, am not going to be afraid to give it a try.
So there you have it. What I won’t be doing in 2015. You know, there’s a comment section below, so tell me, what won’t you be doing this year? Or perhaps you won’t be commenting on blog posts? Or perhaps you will be doing an art tour of Germany. Either way, I’d love to know.